The story goes like this…
Saturday night I go to a place I WOULD never normally go to from a last minute invite. When my friend asked me I took one look at the flyer she sent and I was “oh hell no,” whilst my entire body was ..”oh yes you are going”. When I asked another friend if she would come, i could not stop laughing that I was actually asking her to come with me to a place like this and her response was… “we wont tell anyone right?” jajajaj
( it was a north American sports bar showing the fights …. i mean…so many reasons for me not to be there )
YET… i could feel it in my body…i needed to go.
and lo and behold….. half way through the night in he walked.
A man I had not seen in 4.5 yrs…
The woman I was 4.5 yrs ago, reacting with confusion and pain at what happened, held her face straight talking to her friend pretending not to notice him walk by…
The woman I am today with more skills and experience under my belt leant over ( as he happened to sit beside me ) placed my hand on his leg and said “ mmhhh hello you”
He looked up, saw who I was and just smiled a beautiful smile saying, “oh my wow, it is you miss Melissa”.
Both of us sat there in the knowing that the last time we saw each other it was not a kind nor easy moment. It was really hurtful from my perspective. and as we started to unravel the layers a little I learned it had been really confusing for him, and I was thinking ( my ego ) “why are you confused…you did..a + b + c…etc etc…
As conversations go , there began a bit of back and forth of what we each remembered, and I became even more confused when he looked me in the eye, held his hand out for me to place mine in, and said “I miss you babe”.
So I offered…….
”it seems like we need to have some vents with each other to hear one another out”
“ that would be great he said. Lets do this…2pm tomorrow….”.
The next day we met. Straight back into our comfort zone of “we’re good together..this shit is lit” ( his words btw…)
But before I could lean on in ( alright I did join him for at least one big kiss before venting ) , I invited the venting containers.
…he had one request….”Can we not use the word vent?”..so I changed it to “clearing”
and when I was setting the container up expressing… “you have done nothing wrong” he jumped in saying..”but i obviously have”
“mmh Babe.. this is my animal speaking…. my little girl that had her buttons pushed and was so upset at what happened, what she viewed what happened… this is my side of the story….my side is obviously very different to yours…..she needs to be heard and soothed, thats all”
“Oh…. i get it, this is exactly what you mean by animal and ego..ok ok…yeah my ego has a lot to say about what happened” he said . “ You wont get mad or defensive when I say my piece?”
“Nope…. I wont”. He looked at me a bit side eyed…. And when it was his turn, he was willing to take the chance to say it all. I did not interrupt, I did not get mad or defensive and I watched his shoulders relax as he experienced that from me.
In his brave and honest request of changing the word from “vent” to another word, …… I realized something that I have been pondering for a few days now as I go deeper and deeper with it.
And it has to do how men often see vents which I have come across a bit since I have become a certified UPLVL™ coach ( of Kenya K Stevens work).
A vent to many men is combative language. Being in trouble (the little boy that could never do anything right and was micro managed at home, at school and in social situations ). The word Vent also seems to represent rage, out of control anger that they need to defend themselves from.
The word Vent=danger..emotionally and phsyically, to ,many men.
And mens emotions, which we nurture out of them, being deemed to be controlled and dampened down since toddlerhood, are then punishable by law, community and peers.
Yet for many women, and for those who have had access to emotional language and expression, the word vent feels like a relief, an exhale at the opportunity of expressing without being contained and controlled. Like finally being allowed to let something out.
For a man who has spent his entire life learning that emotional expression leads to consequence, even the invitation to express can feel like standing at the edge of something pretty f*ckiing dangerous.
A Vent can sound like explosion, damage, loss of control. Something that will need to be managed …… by him.
So…when my lover asked for a different word, he was not belittling the experience or resisting the process. He was so up for the process ( especially having the opportunity to say his say with me just receiving it without being triggered) He just needed a word that did not mean combat to him.
Me..personally, I LOVE the word, because it represents freedom to me.
And here lies the representation of all of us walking around on this planet… what something means to them means something very different you.
And oh boy…. nothing could describe the two different experiences of the one event, which was our rupture 4.5 yrs ago.
After we both got to vent and be soothed by each other he said “we should have done this 2 yrs ago…?”
“well” I said, “if we did see each other two years ago and tried to have this conversation it would have probably taken a hell of a lot longer than 20 min, and ended up with both of us emotionally and mentally exhausted”
“we would have sat here inside of a battle of our perspectives triggering the f*ck out of each other”
“and I can just about bet that if that did happen I would not be here hoping you are about to take me back to your place, because we have unfinished business to start up again”…
…( he raises his hand to get the bill )
And that is exactly what getting down to a zero (0) is..
it is orgasmic.
It is freedom.
Absolute freedom.
Lovers..I cannot express enough how fricking powerful UPLVL is.
There is no way in hell, I would have been able to initiate the reconnection with this man so ease-fully and with peace in my heart if I did not know the tools of UPLVL™, and know how to self process with the 3 way mirror. ( stage 2 of UPLVL™ )
What if what you were taught to do with your emotional world was never the truth about you?
What if you could stop modulating yourself inside of your relationship? Stop censoring yourself so the other does not pull away or react or dismiss you for having an emotion or reaction to something?
What if?
How free would you be? How free would you feel? And how much deeper would your love grow?…is there a song with that line it i? there is right?
Any hoo… THIS is what the UPLVL™ system gives you.
Freedom.
In your heart, mind and physical system..because we all know how sick and in pain so many people are inside of their relationships….
So many couples are inside of what is bascially a survival strategy that is our cultural imposition.
If you are wanting to get out of this constraint and deepen the love that you are in..book your discovery call here and lets talk about how I as a coach can bring you through the UPLVL system, then deepen your intimacy through the Erotic Blueprints and sexual mastery. You cannot get the depth of the latter without the safety of the emotions.
You and your relationship deserves this.
Always with pleasure
M
❤️