At some level everyone wants freedom.
I would bet every single one of you has muttered the word at least once or twice every single yr.
For some of us freedom means expressing being wild and untamed in the bedroom. Unleashing the side of us that secretly wants to just Dom the juice out of our lover.
For some us freedom is whispered during the tired nights of putting 2 or 3 or 4 kids to sleep wishing for silence.
For some us freedom is book those flights on a lazy Tuesday afternoon and be in a new city 48 hrs later.
For some of us freedom is being able to truly say the things we want to say in the moment they rise, without care of judgement, hurting another or risking our primal belief we may not belong here if we did say it all out loud.
For some of us freedom is just wearing the god damn ball gown to coffee because it has sat in the closet for 7 yrs only to be worn once.
For some of us freedom is actually ask or just tell our partners our deepest desires. To tell them what we truly fantasize about. What we really want in the bedroom and life without apology or shrinking.
And for some they just want to have the freedom to say no and be freed from the resentment that has been quietly building for years like mould behind a wall. You can not see it but oh my, you can feel it.
Freedom from the exhaustion of performing fine.
But here is the thing.
Everywhere people say they want it and heavens, how they post about it. They leave relationships looking for it, start therapy looking for it, travel alone looking for it, lie awake at 3am cataloguing exactly who took it from them and how.
But ……….
do you actually want to be free?
Freedom has a price that most people are not willing to pay.
because if you are truly free, you cannot blame anyone.
Not your mother. Not your ex. Not the partner who didn’t show up the way you needed. Not the childhood that wired you for chaos. Not the culture, the patriarchy,..( damn it….. ) the algorithm or the last person who left too soon.
None of it.
Freedom and blame cannot coexist.
The moment you are free, like genuinely free, you are in full ownership of your life. Every choice you made, every dynamic you stayed in, every time you said yes when every cell in your body was screaming no. Yours. All of it yours.
And to really think about that, it can be terrifying.
People want to uninhabited in the bedroom, sounding out primal sounds and be left laying in pools of drenched sweat and other bodily fluids.
Yet that kind of freedom takes being truly free in the heart and mind.
And this is why so many people are not actually free. Not because freedom is unavailable to them, that i tis only for the lucky few…..but because they are getting something from the alternative that they are not yet ready to give up. It suits so many people to stay un free…
Come back tomorrow and I will be sharing the rest of this piece…
I feel like making cacao right now and formulating more of what I was going to write.
See you then
💋
M