My final client last night said something pretty profound. I had been sharing with him how to support his partner when she was venting, how not to take it personally and how to soothe her. Just moments before I was inviting him to step back from the blame and see where his experience of “drama” in this relationship was similar to that of his previous relationships. His eyes widened when he could see the thread.
“oh” he said. ( this was not the profound part..btw !! jaja ). I am the common denominator. I pointed out that it was not so much that he was causing the “drama” in each relationship, but that each relationship held the kind of lesson he needed to learn, and as he was not moving through the lesson, the same kind of woman with the same kind of wounding always showed up….as he is creating his life. ( one of the agreements of the UPLVL system… we create our life..Love is the benefit )
( so here is the profound part he said )..
… “Melissa. You are not just my coach, but you are holding a thread between cutting edge science and ancient wisdom “ ( UPLVL comes from a line of African Tradition bought to us by Kenya K Stevens ).
my response was “ooh I like that..but tell me more about why you are connecting it to the science stuff?”
He said ..go look up Dr Tara Swart and also Dr Lisa Feldman Barrett. They talk all “sciency” about so much of what you tell me in your “coachy” human relating way.
So what do you think I have been doing today?
Listening to these two women…
and when I hear them describe what they have discovered around how to soothe a nervous system that is in fight or flight, and how two people attract each other through their nervous systems that “sense” a match and therefor feel attraction.. All I hear is hours and hours in a lab to describe the metaphysics of UPLVL™
When you can hear through the date of neuroscientist you hear them describing what ancient cultures have used …for ever. (here is my article on how the Fijian culture is basically UPLVL)
Communities knew this and practiced this around fires long before laboratories existed.
Dr Lisa Feldman Barrett who is one of the top 0.1% most cited scientists in the world for her groundbreaking research in psychology and neuroscience, speaks of what she calls the predictive brain.
She says “Your brain is not reacting to the world. It is predicting it.” The brain combines sensory input with past memories to anticipate and prepare for future events, essentially crafting our entire subjective experience. It attributes meaning to physical sensations based on context and past experience.
In other words, what you feel in THIS moment is being filtered through everything that has ever happened to you.
This is exactly what UPLVL calls the animal and the ego speaking. The vent that isn’t THE truth, as it is only YOUR truth, constructed in real time by a brain running on old data, old wounds, old stories and old predictions about what this moment means based on every moment that came before it.
And do know what else I heard her say today in one of her TED talks? She said: “The best thing for your nervous system is another human and the worst thing for your nervous system is another human.” A witnessed, held, soothed human connection is literally neurological medicine. Our nervous systems are regulated by our interactions with others as positive social relationships are essential for maintaining a healthy body budget.
This is the soothings of the venting container in the UPLVL™ venting ceremony. Science calls it nervous system regulation. IN UPLVL ™ the person venting is responsible for asking for their needs to be met in the form of the types of soothings they want and/or need. This is where the nervous system literally recalibrates.
Then there is Dr. Tara Swart who is a neuroscientist, medical doctor, and known as one of the most compelling voices on the brain and human relationships alive today. She describes the attraction of our mates as the magnetic pull of our wounds.
Her work takes us even deeper into why we end up in the relationships we do. She explains the science behind how people tend to attract partners with similar psychological wounds and how factors like stress hormones influence compatibility.
We do not fall in love randomly. We are drawn at a nervous system level to people whose unresolved pain resonates with our own. Not consciously or logically, but somatically at a cellular level.
And this my loves is what we see and process in the 3 way mirror part of processing inside of UPLVL. Thsi is where we get to see how every relationship is for you. That the people you attract are not accidents but the exquisite invitations from your higher self for your growth.
“ geeze.. Growth dresses itself up as love”, my client said last night. jajajaja
Maybe….well you could say that.
Relationships are about growth, Love is the benefit.
Dr. Swart also explains that stress itself is contagious where cortisol not only affects the individual producing it but those around them. We are not separate beings having separate experiences. We are constantly regulating, and dis-regulating, each other.
One of the remedies of one of the Panes of The 3 Way Mirror is all about how to use this Osmosis factor to your benefit
Healing cannot be a solo sport.
We need each other..in more ways than we realize.
So here we have two of the most decorated neuroscientists of our time spending their careers proving with laboratories and peer reviewed papers and brain imaging, what ancient cultures have known and practiced since the beginning of human existence.
Sweat lodges, smudging, and drumming were not just symbolic fun things to do. They support nervous system regulation, emotional release, and reconnection with spirit which are all essential in trauma healing.
Shared ceremonies and gatherings reduce isolation and help regulate emotional overwhelm through co-regulation.
Rituals activate the parasympathetic system calming the body and allowing grief to move through instead of getting stuck. And this is exactly what the UPLVL ™ system is. It is a ceremony. A ceremony in which you honor your animal and ego, receive the soothings you need, process how you are creating your life, re pattern the subconscious brain (inner child work and what Barrett calls updating the brain’s predictions through new relational experiences.), take ownership of how you are creating your life and move into gratitude.
Ancient peoples did not need the neuroscience as they lived it and passed it on to each generation through the connection of living. It was and is built it into the architecture of their communities because they understand that humans cannot heal alone. That emotions ( the animal ) must move through us and being witnessed is not a luxury.
It is a biological necessity.
Science is not discovering anything new.
It is just finding the funded words for something ancient cultures know and live by. And I think that is one of the most awesome things about being alive today…to witness science proving what I have been learning for decades from ancient cultures…I love it!!!!
Join me Sunday the 16th ( August ) for my community call I hold for those inside of the Inner Circle of Paid subscribers where I’ll be holding a venting container of the UPLVL™ system.
Come and experience UPLVL Communication™ in action. Subscribe to join.
If you are inside of a relationship that could use this kind of excellence to move forward in your relating, that will open up the space for more intimacy and sex and create a safe environment where both of you can be heard and soothed, then lets get on a call to discuss how I can support you to have that.
If you are unsure then ask yourself and your partner what are your agreements of communication and soothing ? What are your agreements of processing in the relationship? And how do you pattern interrupt the subconscious brain loop of always the same thing happening?
If you are unsure or don’t have any system in place , then lets talk.
Always with pleasure
M
❤️