Yesterdays article has sparked off a cascade of moments in my memory and I will be making a podcast episode on it…with some secrets 😜 for my inner circle paid subscribers..
The reality is the cost of freedom is something many people are not willing to invest or pay. And this is not just the cost of leaving a well paid yet soul destroying job ( although ..that too ) The costs of freedom are vast. Freeing… but ..vast
One of the costs of true freedom..is giving up being the victim.
You see the victim… gives you things.
Time to take a honest inventory ( oh i have, many times in my life ..don’t think I let myself off of the hook )
The victim gives you righteousness, that clean, intoxicating feeling of being right. Of having been wronged, of the record showing it, of everyone who knows the story agreeing that yes, what happened to you was not okay. There is a particular comfort in that.
It is a steel kind of cold comfort, but comfort nonetheless.
It gives you a place to put the pain. If it is their fault, you do not have to feel the unbearable thing underneath……which is that you also chose this… ( uuufff )
That you kept choosing it.
That some part of you believed it was what you deserved.
It gives you evidence for the story you have been running since before you can remember. ( this story set up between the ages of 0-7yrs, 7-14yrs ) The story that says you are not loved. That your needs will not be met. That you are, at the bottom of it all, unworthy of the thing you most want.
yet..victim mode does not feel like a story because it feels like proof. And we will hold onto proof even when it is destroying us, because at least we are comfortable in what we know.
And it gives you permission to stay small.
If they, he, she and or the world is doing this TO you, if they are the reason, then you are off the hook. You do not have to risk exposure, the discomfort of growth and you do not have to step into the version of yourself that is actually capable of creating the relationship, the life, the love you say you want.
You get to wait. ( and sulk and blame…ooohh this feels so good at times.. shitty but good.)
You can wait for someone else to change first….
My love…..it is a very expensive way to stay comfortable.
I was in a Venting Container on Sunday.
A community container held by Kenya K Stevens … women on bold fyre..truth and daring to exist in pure authenticity.
For those who don’t know…. a Venting Container is a structured communication process. One person vents. Fully. Without interruption, without advice, without someone trying to fix or redirect or make it about themselves. The listener/s just Witness. Then the ventor is responsible for asking for the soothings they need. and this is what the witness/s give.
The topic of my vent….. was/is. the thing I have fought for..ever since my son was born ( this will be revealed in my up coming video on freedom ).
I was raging. Oh the C word was used a lot…. the animal in me was so hurt, mortified and enraged… before the vent I even found it so difficult to speak out loud what I had learned…
My point is…. it was not a wee little “god I am annoyed” vent.
TO me ..for the past 10 days since learning of this “part” of life in my family, I had been engulfed in grief, shock and immense fear. It was like a complete repeat of 18yrs ago.
It was heavy.
it was everything I had walked away from, right at my front door.
So I raged in my vent…and was received without being managed. In the silence after I asked for what I needed and bit by bit as I received what I was responsible for asking for, the freedom seeped in. Layer by layer.
The days leading up to the vent, I had often felt so lost and broken down…. defeated… yet int he venting process…. something so significant was released.
Something structural. Something I had been carrying in my chest and my jaw and the place between my shoulder blades where I store everything I am not yet ready to say out loud.
That is what freedom actually feels like in the body.
Not the idea of freedom. Not the vision board version. The felt sense of it, something dropping away that you did not even know you were still holding.
There was no way I could have arrived there if I had stayed in blame. Blame keeps everything tight. Blame keeps you and me rehearsing the story, refining it, building the case. There is no dropping when you are building a case.
Freedom is on the other side of the case.
In this vent on Sunday ..I gave up everything…
absolutely everything….to be free.
Gorgeous one…
What would you have to feel if you stopped blaming?
What would have to be true about you?
About your choices?
About what you have been telling yourself was done to you?
This is the work my love..not the pretty version of it. Just the actual version.
And it is available to you. All of it…. the release, the drop, the structural shift in your chest that tells you something has genuinely changed.
But you have to want freedom more than you want to be right.
That is the only question that matters.
Want this inside of your relationship?
mmmhhh
book your discovery call here and lets discuss what working with me looks like.
Always with Pleasure
and delicious Orgasmic freedom.
M
💋