When ever I see a man with a profile that says he is a chef or likes to cook, I respond with …
”oh my god we are made for each other because I eat”. ……….
So lets talk about dinner for a second, because it is going to explain your sex life better than any “communication tips” article ever will…even the ones I have written.
Think about it like this… a 3 to 5 course home cooked meal, or a dish in your favourite sit down restaurant, does not just happen in five minutes.
All the ingredients where shopped for, .. uber’d home from the store for, lists written about and thought of. Someone thought about what would actually satisfy and delight you, not just fill your stomach. Then there was all the prep. Cleaning, chopping, seasoning, grilling, stirring and the timing of everything so it all lands together, fabulously. There was the heat, the patience and all the attention to detail. Nobody rushes the prep of a good meal and expects it to turn out that well.
Fast food, on the other hand, was created for one thing.
Convenient.
and forgettable five minutes after you eat it.
Nobody truly sits down to a drive thru bag of a rubbish collection of chemicals expecting to be moved.
you guessed it… I am bringing this all to sex…..intimacy runs on the exact same physics. because sex is not a bonus in a relationship …It is a need.
A lot of men i have privvy to the insides of their lives, treat sex like the dessert of a relationship. They have given up and see sex as something nice when it happens, not that essential and definitely not something you actively tend to.
But intimacy is not this thing that just goes by the wayside naturally as it is one of the core needs a relationship runs on.
Other wise get a group of friends together and get a mortgage, land, build business and adopt children together.. …. ( more on that later as this is a stella idea currently…but for many it is so much more important to nourish and dive into the excellence of the relationship they are in )
The physical connection, the nervous system safety, the feeling of being utterly desired and chosen, instead of just accommodated for are human needs. Skip it, starve it, or rush it long enough and the relationship suffers in all the areas. Not just the bedroom.
The men and women I speak to know that sex matters, yet they are way too often showing up like it is a drive thru, expecting gourmet results with fast food effort. You. just cant skip the prep and the planning, expecting the full nourishing dining experience.
Lets do a little cross reference.
the shopping… knowing what she/he actually responds to, not what worked on someone else, or what porn told you should work.
the prep… the hours before you are in bed. How you talked/texted to one another that day. Whether you both felt seen, appreciated and wanted. Not just at 10pm, but also at 10 am and 2pm.
the seasoning … is all about presence. Slowing down enough to actually be in your body and in the room with one another, instead of half checked out, racing to a finish line. or finishing tasks in your head.
the heat and timing … oh the patience. Letting arousal build instead of rushing straight to the outcome. This is where most men’s training completely fails them of years of solo, high speed, goal oriented masturbation habits that do not translate to slow and present erotic intimacy. needed.
When you skip all of that and show up expecting a five course experience with fast food sex on offer…. quick, forgettable, and unsatisfying, eventually she stops being hungry at all.
…but do not worry lovers…. I got you !!!
If you know that it is time to actually cook the god damn meal instead of just microwaving it. ( who uses them still anyways…but hay it is a good for the metaphor )
and if you want to go deeper ( literally..physically, emotionally and spiritually ) then lets do that together.
Book your discovery call here.
Always with pleasure.
M
❤️